Five Ways to Show Your Husband Appreciation
My husband is my Superhero! Now, before we go any further note, I said he’s my superhero, not my “perfect superhero.” So, next week when he undoubtedly does something to aggravate me, and I tell y’all about it, don’t be so quick to call me a liar. Just refer back to this post and be corrected. I digress.
In my constant battle of mental, emotional and spiritual ups and downs, my husband seamlessly steps in and makes my world comfortable for me and our children. He encourages me when I’m feeling down, prays for me when I’m discouraged and sometimes just steps in and takes over managing the whole house when he accurately observes an impending breakdown. Quite frankly, I get to be who I am to the world because of his fortitude. Listen, if I can encourage any of you who are not yet married, make sure the man that you are dating, and possibly will marry one day, has a true and personal relationship with God. This is one of the keys to our marriage lasting as far as it has. And, while I can expound on this subject immensely, I’ll save it for a later article. If you’re a wife reading this, and you have an awesome, fully present and hands-on husband, let’s just take a moment to thank God for blessing us with the men that He has. I mean sis, I might not know you, but one thing I do know is that under all of our wigs, designer clothes and bountiful make-up, there’s some level of crazy that we individually possess that doesn’t always make loving us easy. And, maybe I’ve made a huge generalization here, but I honestly don’t believe I did.
Anyways, back to my story. I was sitting in the car the other day observing my husband and noting how blessed I am to have him as the leader of our house when I heard an inner voice say, “appreciate him.” And of course, I ignored this inner voice and replied, “he needs to appreciate me! I birthed three children, sacrificed X, Y & Z, etc., etc.” Ladies, you know how we do. Until just a few moments later when my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of a disagreement. When he felt the need to inform me that I was then being “critical.” To which I silently thought to myself “Whatever! You would say that because you don’t want to hear what I’m saying.” But then I realized that even if he didn’t want to hear what I was saying, the truth is that I was being critical. And even now, as hindsight is 20/20, I am more apt to be critical of my husband than appreciative. This makes me wonder which voice of mine has my husband become more accustomed to hearing from me. Of course, I ask this question fully knowing the answer. I am more critical of him than I am appreciative. So, I ask you the same question – sis, what voice is your husband used to hearing of you? Is it one of appreciation or criticism?
You see, I was sitting on the couch thinking about all the things I’m critical of my husband about – you know about how he is occasionally messy around the house or how he doesn’t close his mouth while he’s eating and let’s not even discuss our unequalled sex drives, and out of no where it hit me “the same things I’m being critical of, many other women would willingly step right in to appreciate.” Now, I know this is not something that we like to discuss. Especially, some Christians. But another woman stepping in? Yes, sis…another woman. Often times the longer we’ve been in a relationship, if we’re not careful, we can sometimes find ourselves oblivious that there are other women who would kick us out the way if the chance presented itself. And, if you haven’t caught on to what I’m saying, let me be extremely clear for you “sis, when it comes to your husband, if you’re not meeting his needs, appreciating him and loving him as much as you “proclaim” to love him, please know that one day he might come across a woman lacking in the moral department willing to give him ALL the attention you’re not (maybe even more). This is something I have to remind myself of often. Not that another woman could take my place, I mean quite frankly, I dare someone to try. Listen, I haven’t been saved all my life, and for a reference point I grew up in the Bronx (All my life I’ve had to fight). LOL. I digress. The thing I have to remind myself of is that as a human being, my husband is susceptible to temptation. Listen, I am susceptible to temptation. As living, breathing and feeling human beings we’re all vulnerable to succumbing to temptation. Proverbs 4:6 directs us “Not to turn our back on wisdom, for it will protect you…” Having been married for 12 years now, I think I’ve acquired some wisdom, so hear me clearly when I say, appreciate your husband! Love your husband! Speak well to your husband! That way if another woman comes lurking around, he’s not so quick to associate your voice with being the critical one.
Now, having said all that I have, and I know that I’ve said a lot, here are 5 ways to show your husband you appreciate him:
- Respect Him – Now there’s an obvious one. Yet, just because it’s obvious doesn’t mean it’s easy. Whoa, I know I’ve said a mouthful there. Again, I am a wife. So, I know what it’s like when your husband is getting on your last nerve (to all of my black followers, I know what it’s like when he has surpassed that last nerve and is now working on hitting that black nerve). Lord have mercy!!!! Nevertheless, it’s one thing to know we’re supposed to do something, but an entirely different thing to actually do so. Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Listen, men are just different beings. Respect is their native language. If you truly want to show your husband that you appreciate him, start with showing him the respect and honor that he deserves. One of the best ways you can show your husband that you respect him is by actively listening to him when he talks, and not interrupting. Ouch!! I know, that one hit me to as soon as I wrote it. But really, think about it – how often do you actually listen to your husband without interruption? I am not saying to not have an opinion. And, if you are in a healthy relationship, where the respect is mutual, I’m sure your husband both wants to hear your input and values it. What I am talking about is not looking at him side-eyed when he says something that you disagree with. Respect touches your husband in ways that not even sex can stimulate. Your respect to your husband communicates your trust in him without the exchange of words. Genuine respect will make the biggest difference in his world.
- Take over one of his everyday Chores – Ugg! I know, just as I was writing this one, I thought “girl bye!” But, let me tell you this, it’s true. So, one of the chores my husband enjoys, that I hate, is washing and folding the laundry. It’s time consuming and logically, I just can’t understand how 5 people can go through what equates to three weeks’ worth of clothes in only one. But the day that prompted my writing of this article I was intent on surprising my hubby when he returned home from work by having washed and folded all the laundry and I succeeded. Gurl, when he walked in that front door the smile, appreciation and relief that was on his face touched my heart. I don’t know how you and your husband have divided up household duties, but be it doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom or taking out the garbage, surprise him with it being done and give that man a break.
- Plan a weekend getaway for just you two – If you’re anything like me, I always get on my husband about forgetting to plan a date night. And, how special it makes me feel when he remembers. So, taking the initiative and ownness off of our husbands, let’s switch it up on them. Just think how much more appreciated he would feel if you as his wife planned sometime away from your daily routines, left the children with a trusted sitter, and banned all work obligations! Undoubtedly, it would warrant the biggest smile on your husband’s face, because he will certainly be expecting number 4.
- Put on some lingerie and bust it wide open for him – Sex is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. I know that sometimes the everyday hustle and bustle of life can make it hard to connect, which is why you have to be intentional about physical connection. Even if you don’t want to, sis, take off that scarf, pull out your best nightwear, and get to work. Men are physical creatures. As women our picture of romance tends to circle around our emotional needs (many of us, not all); but your husband’s view of romance is much more focused on a single experience and that is sexual affirmation. While intimacy for you might be communicated by some nice flowers, a compliment, or something else, physical intimacy is important to a man. Some couples have a strong sexual bond, while others struggle to make their sex life more passionate and increase intimacy. I’m aware of the realities here. So, regardless of where you and hubby fall on the continuum of “sexual connection” just make sure you’re being intentional about connecting, consistently.
- Put down your phone – Be in the moment and fully present with the person whom you love. Too often we allow moments to slip by us that we could be sharing with one another because we’re staring at our screens. Lately I’ve been really focused on building my follower count on Instagram and so my engagement there has been non-stop. I know this sounds shallow, but have you tried building followers? Listen, it’s almost like building a mini church. LOL! People don’t just blinding follow you because you ask. People follow you because they find value in doing so. Honey, if you want to do anything in the digital world it’s work! To continue my story, my husband calls my phone, “the third person in our relationship”. So, I’ve gotten intentional about placing my phone away to see the person in front of me. Sis, if you truly want to appreciate your husband, put your phone away and see the handsome and amazing man in front of you. See him, look into his eyes and I’m sure you will find a man that you respect and respects you back, comes home each night and is committed to your house, helps with chores and loves you like none other. Listen, putting your phone down might even help in the intimacy department for some people. Sis, if you’re finding it hard to connect with your spouse, just an FYI – it’s easier to do so without your phone distracting you. Don’t let that tiny device steal what can be precious moments shared between you and your beloved.
It’s not always easy to do some of these items mentioned above, honestly, I get it. Some of the things I’ve mentioned will require a level of personal transparency and connection with your spouse that you may be still working to attain. That’s fine! We are all flawed human beings. Marriage is loving each other through our ups and downs, good sides and bad sides and all that’s within. Some of the things I’ve mentioned above might not work for you and your spouse and that’s fine. This article is not meant to be a one size fits all. It’s meant to spark some alternatives in your own mind that specifically works for the man you’re married to. And if you’re still stuck, just ask hubby what’s on his list of things that make him feel appreciated – I bet you’re already doing a lot of them.
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