I know I’m not the only one to wake up in the morning to her husband deeply breathing on her neck, rubbing up and down, in my case, a conservatively sized derriere. And, all the while I am laying there thinking “Really? Again! Didn’t we just have sex?” Now, I understand the term “just” is of course relative to each couple, because for some this could mean 4 hours ago and for others this could mean 4 days ago. However, the moment that sparked my writing of this post had been the latter.
By the way, sis, have you seen my husband? He is FOINE! Yes. I meant to spell it that way. So, waking up next to him, compared to the clowns that I used to wake up next to (listen, I haven’t claimed salvation my entire life) is a treat. Furthermore, to be the object of his desire is even more rewarding because well, I am a woman and sometimes insecure of this body of mine. Yet, I am still the object of his affection. Now some of you might be saying – Duh! You’re married and a Christian so no one else should be the object of his affection? Well honey, we all know that doesn’t have to be the case. And, I’ll just leave that right there!
Anyhow, back to my point, there are days when I just don’t want to have sex! Yup, I said it. And just so you’re aware, I know some of you might be sitting there reading this thinking didn’t you just say how attractive your husband was? Listen, I don’t care if my husband was the finest man on earth; as a wife, there are some days that sex is the last thing on my mind. The mundane everyday tasks – running a house, taking care of children, your job, this darn pandemic – are enough to get in the way of intimacy. If we’re not purposeful about staying on top of it, and I mean quite literally staying on top of it (I crack myself up sometimes), then a couple of days can go by without “connecting.”
Well, let me share with you what my husband and I’ve learned. Our sexual lives are heavily influenced by the quality of our communication at the time. So when it’s not a stage show in our bedroom – I mean swinging from the chandelier kind of show, Tank playing in the background and it’s been 4 days since Jocelyn (my alter ego and raging lioness in the bedroom – wink wink) has showed up kind of atmosphere, this is a clear indication that our communication is fragmented. But, here’s the real kicker – for my husband, and many men, intimacy is needed to feel closer. For me and I’m sure many wives also, closeness is needed to spark intimacy. What a catch 22!
In order to maintain a level of intimacy that works for both of us, we have to constantly be working our communication. I think this is a good point to note that a large part of the way humans communicate is not verbal. Communication encompasses a whole range of behaviors, such as:
- Physical, touching, holding and kissing,
- Exhales, long deep breaths, or other sounds that communicates your emotions to your partner without the use of words,
- Texting or emailing, and finally
- Talking
Communication is all about hearing your partner, validating their feelings and responding to their needs. This can be done completely without utilizing words. Quite frankly, the more we communicate our needs through the methods shown above, the more sex I notice I have with my husband. So, if you’ve found that your sex life has become dismal, can I recommend evaluating the regular communication between yourself and your partner? You might be failing to utilize the many other forms of communication available. Here are just a couple examples of how my husband and I communicate without words:
- Text & Email – my husband and I have mastered the art of “dirty text messages and emails.” The suspense that is built when you or your partner receives a naughty note in the middle of the day, surrounded by associates, in the middle of a conference room, yet no one suspects a thing. The anticipation and secrecy alone is stimulating enough to lead to some love making later on that evening. Just make sure you’re using a private account. people…let’s be smart
- Touch – When my husband is in the mood, I’ve noticed that he just cannot stop touching me. He Walks up behind me, squeezes me tight to ensure that I can feel ALL OF HIS LOVE. Listen, I know what the deal is then.
- Sounds – Every once in a while, while we’re walking around the house, hubby will make these exciting noises alerting me to the fact that he sees me. He’ll hit me with a “uhhh or Mmhm.” And while it I act like it annoys me; the truth is he makes me feel so desired.
The week leading up to the morning above, was filled with Dr. appointments, children going stir crazy and stressful job scenarios. Let’s just say there wasn’t much “communication” going on between us. As indicated by the four-day lapse in intimacy.
At that moment, I quickly turned over and well gave him the business. So, if there’s anything I can leave with you it would be to find ways to be intimate and build your communication beyond simply just the verbal. Better communication makes for better connection between the sheets. And honey, this makes for better sex for you both. Once you’ve mastered the subtleness of communication to get you into the sheets, you can then learn to communicate what helps you climax within the sheets.
In the words of the prolific English poet, Tank “I could be aggressive, I can be a savage, I just need your blessin’ Say that I can have it!” Wink Wink
By the way, if you don’t understand why I’m referencing this song, I’d suggest you go look it up. It will undoubtedly add spark to your bedroom when played!